Constructive Conversations

Tools & Resources

Every leader should be able to shift a potentially negative confrontation into a future-focused problem-solving dialogue.

Steps to Managing a Difficult Conversation

A poorly handled confrontation can affect your relationship with not only the individual, but your relationship with the team. Taking the time to plan this conversation is an important first step in managing difficult conversations.
1

Be Clear About The Issue

  • What exactly is the behavior that is causing the problem?
  • What is the impact on you or the team?
  • Remember: confront the performance, not the person
2

Know What You Want As An Outcome

  • What are you trying to accomplish?
  • Have action items documented before the conversation is completed
3

Maintain Composure

  • Treat others with respect throughout the process

  • Silence may happen during the conversation and this is ok

4

Think Long-Term

  • Focus on problem solving, not fault finding
  • Identify areas for improvement going forward
5

Have A Conversation In The Right Place

  • Praise in public
  • Constructive feedback in private

Note

If this is a serious issue or it is one you have had consistent concerns about with this employee, be ready to involve HR. If you feel discipline is necessary, involve HR as soon as possible. HR will help you be consistent and in line with company standards.

Tips for Success

Start the Conversation with an "I" Statement

When confronting an employee on performance it is necessary to first get his/her attention with an “I” statement. An example could be, “I have noticed something and I need to talk to you.”

Don’t Make it Personal

Reference the recent event or behavior in question. This deals with the performance, not the person. Define the facts regarding the behavior and the impact of that behavior. Resist emotional references.

Focus on the Future

Describe what you would like to see in the future. Use statements such as:

  • Going forward, I expect…
  • I am interested in…
  • In the future, the expectation is…

Listening will be critical when it comes to facilitating a successful conversation. Instead of identifying right away what you expect, listen to the individual’s perspective. Often an employee will self-identify how they could handle things like this in the future. This step allows the employee to find their own solution and typically results in higher commitment to correcting the issue.

Follow-up and Document if Necessary

If you take time to schedule a follow-up discussion right away, your employee is more likely to take your comments serious. He/she will know they will be held accountable for their future actions.

Conversation Planner
With whom?
What is my intent?
When?
Where?
What are the facts?
What is the impact?
What are the action items?
By when?
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